Vegetarian Burgers

A vegetarian

Cows eat grass. Cows eat corn. Cows eat all variety of grain. I've never met a cannibalistic cow.

I should not have just googled "cannibalistic cow"...

By this logic I will now begin telling everyone who asks about my diet that I mostly stick to grilled vegetarian burgers. In saying this I am not claiming that I am a vegetarian myself, but their poor understanding of semantics will lead them to believe that I am a health freak. My burgers are (were?) vegetarian, since all they consumed while still alive were vegetables with the exception of milk, which from what I've observed, is accepted by most vegetarian humans as non-meat.

I will then offer to share my vegetarian burgers with the vegetarians, and will grill large chunks of tasty, bloody animal meat into perfectly seasoned patties, serving them on a toasted bun made of vegetarian bread...

On April 1st, 2015, and once the vegetarians have become sufficiently addicted to the burgers, which I will adamantly profess to be vegetarian, I will reveal my word play, effectively destroying the identity and lifestyle of the vegetarian humans who bought into my ruse. They will never see it coming! It's the perfect April Fools prank.

Next year, once I have met and gained the trust of new humans, I will introduce them to my vegetarian smoked ribs and the cycle will continue.

The logic is flawless. They will never see it coming.

I Love You, You beautiful bald genius.

Note to self: DO NOT PUBLISH THIS TO THE LOW LANE! FOR PERSONAL REFERENCE ONLY.

Image of cow courtesy of Wikipedia.