I'm Back! / Sticky Cat

I'm back in the office, as well as back to writing after 16 days off. Sixteen Days!

Now I have to remember everyone's name again. I'm joking, of course, but not really since we said goodbye to a couple of my co-workers and hello to some new ones as well as moved a couple of people to different offices and the only way I remember anyone's name is to memorize their geographical location within the building... so I actually do have to make an attempt to remember everyone's names. It's not that I don't want to remember peoples names, I really do, but it takes at least two in person introductions before I'll remember you. Don't ask me why, I really don't have an answer.

I spent the first part of my break helping the in-laws install a new kitchen, and the rest of it doing projects around the house and hanging out with the wife and kids. It was the most relaxing I've done in years and I feel great.

Did you know there are sticky cats? Neither did I! We headed out yesterday morning to enjoy some breakfast with the kids on the last day of vacation and found that the hood of my car was covered in something sticky. Luckily I didn't have to find out that it was sticky the hard way, the cat hair that was plastered to the sticky substance warned me.

Guarding my mind against the unpleasant possibilities of why a cat would be sticky and feel the need to roll all over the hood of my car leaving pounds of cat fur I've come up with my own theory...

Valiant, the Puffball was minding his own business. It was a typical, quiet Saturday night in the city and he was walking home after a long day of chasing dove and lizards. 

What's that? A light! A light from above!  

Suddenly Valiant found himself face to blob with a creature he would later refer to as "Meaoowowaaaaw".

Meaoowowaaaaw was a friendly, happy alien who would later explain to Valiant that his life force was sustained by traveling the universe, finding strange life-forms and absorbing a tiny bit of their cosmic energy. In return for this tiny amount of energy, Meaoowowaaaaw would give the beings a hair cut. 

Valiant was curious, so he asked Meaoowowaaaaw -"Meooowahahaeeeerroooow?", which means - "How exactly do you take the energy?", to which Meaoowowaaaaw replied - "I take the energy by way of hug.". 

Valiant thought about it for a moment, and decided that since he had 7 lives to go, he would let Meaoowowaaaaw take a tiny bit of his life force. 

Meaoowowaaaaw told Valient that this would sustain him for 2 eons and that he was grateful. He sat Valiant down in a mid 19th century barbers chair, and trimmed his fur to perfection. When he was done, he hugged Valiant. The cat felt a tiny bit of life leave him through the portions of his body Meaoowowaaaaw was in contact with. It was a warm sensation, not unpleasant, although Meaoowowaaaaw was quite sticky.

Meaoowowaaaaw thanked Valiant, vowing to visit him. The two creatures, from completely different worlds, now shared an eternal bond. 

Meaoowowaaaaw opened his ships release portal, and Valiant walked into it's welcoming blue beam, floating gently down, down, down towards his earthly home and waving to his friend above...

Crash! 

The tractor beam lurched sideways, pulling Valiant with it, and then disappeared completely as the spacecraft disintegrated above him, the chunks of otherworldly metal vaporizing as they fell. Valiant, suddenly released into the unforgiving bonds of earthly gravity, fell, missing his mark and crashing squishily against the hood of a red Toyota Prius. 

Valiant lay there, staring up at the now empty night sky, a defense drone circled the area where just a moment ago his peaceful friend waved goodbye, then buzzed away. It was quiet now. Valient the cat, like his friend, was dead. 

He lingered for awhile, hoping his friend would return. Nothing. So Valiant the cat pulled himself loose from the hood of the car, leaving a healthy layer of freshly groomed hair in the pool of alien goo, hopped down, and walked away.  

The End.

This is definitely a better explanation than whatever actually happened to my car.

I'm back, and I hope that makes you happy!

-Austin

I borrowed the image of a shaved cat from http://jmhandinhand.wordpress.com/.