An open letter to Publix

"Daddy, what's a cheating cocaine sex tape?"

I'm not the open letter type. Yes, I understand the hypocrisy of that statement being the opening line of an open letter. What I mean is that I don't just go hunting for causes to adopt and fight for, that sounds exhausting and there are enough people complaining about enough things that we have become desensitized to the things that really matter in this world.

When hunting for the above link I also realized that my most recent post was a rant about the vulgarity of what was playing on a restaurant TV. I've been in a ranting mood, but I promise to stop after this one.

I went to Publix with my 9 year old daughter a few days ago for some lunch meat and an apple.

Publix supermarkets are the greatest grocery chain on the planet. I truly believe that and think it's important that you understand this before reading on. They make quality meats, produce, bakery items, deli meats, and excellent hot foods available to those of us who don't care for the pretension of Whole Foods, but don't want to get pink eye by stepping into the local Wal Mart.

I love Publix.

What I do not love is the idiot fodder they put in the check out aisle at eye level with children who are just learning to sound out words. I first posted this picture on my Facebook page with that thought and heard back from a few friends that they feel the same way. It's always nice to hear that others feel the same, isn't it?

But for every friend of mine who share my thoughts there are probably several who buy this crap in when they check out (and I'm pretty selective about who I friend on Facebook).

Why sell this stuff at all? By rearranging a few words in that question and with the addition of an S we get our answer - "Why, all this stuff sell(s)".

Because people are buying it. They want to know who's snorting coke with their mistress while making sex tapes. They still want to know that Elvis isn't dead and why Britney shaved her head.

Why people buy into these things is another post altogether, but I promised I would stop ranting after this post, so you'll just have to work that out on your own. But why people buy the junk isn't what we're talking about here. We're talking about why Publix is pushing it.

The Publix website has a Diet Shopping List, where folks with sensitivities to Gluten, or those who are on specific dietary restrictions can actually browse products that fit their needs. There's obviously a conscious effort there to help the consumer. Publix has their own line of organic products if you're into that sort of thing. So why then if Publix is so devoted to providing the best possible product for the consumer would they push the printed equivalent of bath salts laced with cyanide? Oh, right, sorry, we already answered that.

Publix, your shoppers choose you because you provide us with something better than the larger chains. Shouldn't you also put better, healthier products in the magazine racks? There are good, interesting publications out there that would sell if you stuck them in peoples faces like you do the tabloids. I'm not asking you to sell bibles, but a National Geographic will fit right there in the same slot.

Your mission statement page reads that you commit to be "Passionately focused on customer value", and I believe that. You wouldn't put a tainted, damaged filet of beef or salmon out for your customers to buy, and you wouldn't let your cashiers sell drugs and solicit prostitution to me when I check out - because you place value on me.

Why then do you put reading material that by it's very nature devalues your customers into the type of consumers who care about the current state of Bruce Jenner's genitals? Why does my daughter need to know that Hannah Montana is now a singing prostitute? Oh, right, I keep forgetting. Because it sells. Sorry.

After writing this I realize that I began writing with the intention of finding a deeper evil than probably exists within the Publix product teams. In fact, I'm realizing that if no-one complains, including myself, than I have no right to hold Publix accountable for putting something on the shelves that the public expects. The deeper evil then is actually us, the consumers. WE buy this mess, and by that logic WE are the ones who put it in front of our kids. WE are the pacifists and WE have become okay with that.

Publix, I'm sorry. I have nothing negative to say about you... Yet.

What I do have is a request: Take this crap out of my face. If it's there, people will continue to buy it, and you will continue to make money. But you place opaque filters over magazines that expose too much human skin, so why not slap something over this? Isn't this more offensive that showing a models lower back? Actually, better yet, put it somewhere else in your store where my kids and I aren't forced to look at it. Somewhere that your shoppers will have to go looking for it if they are that desperate for it.

Or even better yet: Let those people go get their paper drugs at Wal Mart.

You're a classy joint, and your checkout lines should reflect that.

Sincerely,
Apparently Your Father.