I AM THE WOMAN WHO OWNS THE RED CAR!

I won't post the actual image I want to use, so here's a picture of Mother Teresa.

It was Sunday afternoon. I was sleeping off a red-eye flight back from Phoenix via LAX and was wearing nothing but my boxers and a robe when I stumbled out of bed to answer the door. Because of this I will be referring to our caller in some censored not so nice terms as I do not welcome interruptions at home, especially on days that I, a man who never naps, feel the need to nap.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have answered the kind lady at the door at all. Had it been a family member they could have just called us to say they were at the door, but there was a ring, followed by silence. Our daughter checked our security camera and couldn't identify the lovely stranger. My wife told me to just leave it, but the listening and heeding logic part of my brain hadn't caught up to my body.

The angelic creature remained at the door, silently waiting for one of us to answer. I could see her silhouette through the glass, but that was all.

I opened the door. I'd never met this woman before, nor had I ever wanted to meet her before, and I didn't want to meet her now. She was actually very sweet, and equally strange.

"Hello", I said. "Can I help you?"

She stared up at the angry bathrobe wearing but otherwise mostly naked bald man before her, surely realizing that she had awakened me, and with all the grace of the meadowlark replied:

"WHERES THA LADY WHO OWNS THE RED CAR!?"

Um... am I awake?

"I'm sorry? What red car?"

"THA RED CAR IN YOUR DRIVEWAY!"

At this point I figured that there must be a strange red car parked in my driveway, I looked past the sweet as apple pie southern bell towards my driveway, seeing only my red Prius. Now I was confused.

"Do you mean the red Prius?" I asked. 

Mother Teresa thought about it for a second.

"NO. THE RED TOYOTA."

I blinked a few times at that, and stopped myself from explaining that my Prius is in fact of the Toyota variety before replying.

"The red Toyota is my car. I drive it."

To which Bambi's Mother replied:

"OH. I THOUGHT MAYBE YOUR WIFE DRIVES IT!"

I blinked some more.

"No, that is my car. I drive it every day. My wife does not drive it. Have you had some interaction with a woman who drives a red Toyota Prius?"

The question seemed to confuse Zooey Deschanel holding a baby panda. She thought about it for a moment.

"YEAH. A LADY GOES TO MY CHURCH DRIVES ONE LIKE THAT. I THOUGHT THIS WAS PROBABLY HER HOUSE. THEN I SAW YOU AND THOUGHT THAT MAYBE SHE WAS YOUR WIFE."

The blinking intensified.

"Nope, that's my car. You have a good day now."

By this point my wife had walked out to see who it was, and all of the Nepal relief workers looked past me to see if in fact it was her church friend. Her curiosity satisfied, she excused herself from the embarrassing mix-up, apologizing profusely for the interruption by saying:

"OKAY BYE!"

And left... On foot.