An open letter to Meghan Trainor

Dear Meghan Trainor (Talent-less Adele),

This bass listened to it's mama.

I've heard your song and I have a couple of questions. First of all, do you know what bass is? I don't think you know what bass is. Bass is defined as 'of or pertaining to the lower part of music or the lower and lowest range of audible frequencies'. This means your song has some... interesting implications.

We know that when you speak of bass you cannot possibly be speaking of your voice, which is doubly confusing since your hook "all about that bass, no treble" seems to imply that you also do not understand the concept of treble, which is the only thing not removed by your studio engineer from your vocal track.

Back to the bass. Since bass has nothing to do with the physical measurements of your body, you must be referring to something audible, and there are only so many low frequency sounds the human body can produce, none of which I think an entire song should be devoted to, though to be fair, if your song were called 'All about that treble' I would have written this post while imagining an entire song devoted to your screeching abilities.

I also question your mother's parenting skills. How old were you when she told you what she told you?

Sincerely,
A concerned musician